Proving once again that the People’s Choice Awards are complete B.S., I am displeased to announce the winner of this year’s “Favorite Movie” award. Never mind, I already gave it away in the title. It makes me vomit a little every time I say it anyway.
So, according to the ‘people’, this piece of crap was better than Iron Man 2, Alice In Wonderland, Toy Story 3, and Inception. In other words, we are too stupid to understand Inception, too emo to enjoy Iron Man, to depressed to watch a movie about toys, and too unimaginative to get Alice. If only there were vampires in Wonderland…
Kristen Stewart, or K-STEW as the idiots like to call her, also bagged the “Best Actress” award beating out Julia Roberts (old, but I’d put a bag on her head and think of her in Pretty Woman), Jennifer Aniston (I’d introduce my ‘Ross’ to her ‘Rachel’), Katherine Heigle (3 beers should get the job done), and Angelina Jolie (I better not say what I’m actually thinking right now, so I’ll just say ‘Yes, please’). They all lost to this:
Are you KIDDING ME?!? You’re joking, right Zakk Sabbath? No, my friends, I am not. By the way, did you also just notice how similar she looks in this picture to another famous snapshot?
I know, right? Pretty eerie…
Let’s add insult to injury, shall we? Twilight: Eclipse also stole “Best Drama Movie”, and the three-tards that star in the film won “Best On Screen Team”. As Adam Sandler would say… “Ah, HORSES@#T!”
The only moment that could be saved from this steaming pile of an award show occurred when Johnny Depp beat Pattenson and Lautner for “Best Actor”. The live audience was so genuinely shocked by the moment that they actually gave Depp a standing ovation. I’m sure audiences at home would’ve too, but nobody was watching.
In case I haven’t stated my opinion of Twilight clearly enough, please allow this graph to demonstrate the vast array of feelings I experienced the one time I allowed myself to be dragged to a Twilight movie.
Never again… until the next hot chick tricks me with promises of crazy werewolf sex afterward.
Let this be a lesson to us all. Just like any other election, if you don’t vote, you’re left with whomever the rest of us idiots choose for you. Apparently only the idiots voted in this one.