Just in case you haven’t already heard (which would mean you’ve missed the non-stop coverage of it on ESPN and every other news channel for the past 24 hours), the U.S. was snubbed by FIFA this morning as they announced that the 2022 World Cup will not be hosted in Los Angeles and other U.S. cities, but instead will take place in (wait for it… ) Qatar! That cruel and exotic mistress Futbol has stomped on our hearts once again.
If you are questioning why Qatar (pronounced like “guitar” except with a KUH sound at the beginning) would be chosen over the U.S., you’re not alone. In fact, you may be asking yourself where the HELL Qatar is, so we looked it up. It happens to be smaller than the state of Connecticut and enjoys an AVERAGE summer temperature of 115 degrees. Soccer has dumped the U.S. for a shorter, flatter, uglier chick.
The decision (no, not another Lebron special, but it had enough hype to be) certainly has nothing to do with their prowess on the soccer field either. The video above should be enough evidence of that. After an exhaustive effort (a Google search), losing to Uzbekistan 1-0 after missing an empty net from a yard out is the only highlight we could find. It seems “the other woman” soccer has scorned us for happens to be worse than us at soccer. Insult to injury.
Or maybe it has more to do with the fact that Qatar is the 2nd richest country on the planet. You know how soccer loves money. Qatar is so rich, they spend billions of dollars to make sure they have the tallest (and often completely useless) man made structures in the world. Tower of Babel, anyone? Meanwhile the poor ol’ U.S. of A. can’t even afford to take soccer out for a decent steak dinner.
I’m sure there are other reasons, but quite honestly, I don’t care. I’m over you, soccer. We don’t love you anymore. It was fun while it lasted, but we’re moving on. As if the disappointment of the last World Cup and the low scoring snooze-fest of the 2010 MLS Final weren’t enough (it was held in CANADA, by the way), shunning us for Qatar is the last nail in the coffin.
Unless you decide to call us in 2026. Please? You’ve got our number. We’ll be waiting.