Charlie Sheen – apparently this is a new drug. Whatever the “gnarly warlock” happens to be on at any given moment.

Example: “I am on a drug, it’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

Winning –Charlie’s life philosophy.

Example: “Winning, anyone?” “Duh, winning!”

Bi-winning – see above.

Example: “I’m not bi-polar, I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there.”

Riding the mercury surfboard – a magical Charlie Sheen vehicle that allows him to travel through the universe unscathed.

Example: “It’s been a tsunami of media and I’ve been riding it on a mercury surfboard.”

Rock star from Mars –this is Charlie’s alter ego. It was given to him by aliens from other worlds, which Sheen and his goddesses visited, curing entire populations of their afflictions through “winning.”

Rumor: Charlie embarks on the “Bitchin’ Rock Star From Mars Tour” with other “winners” such as Axl Rose.

Wearing a golden sombrero – a veiled reference to divorce perhaps. Linguistic experts are still trying to figure this one out. Perhaps the opposite of a “hat trick?”

Example: “I tried marriage. I’m 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer — I believe in numbers. I’m not going 0 for 4. I’m not wearing a golden sombrero.”

Tiger blood – Sheen’s secret weapon to longevity.

Example: “AA was written for normal people. People that don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA,” “I survived drug addiction because I’m me. I’m different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man.”

Sober Valley Lodge – the ironicly named castle he shares with his two “goddesses.” The home also apparently helped him cure himself “with the power of my mind.”

History: “We couldn’t really call it rehab because we didn’t have a license to operate one, so it was a crisis management center that we labeled the Sober Valley Lodge. … Its primary client achieved radical success.”

Boom – Sheen-created punctuation used to end a particularly stunning statement.

Example: “You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life.” “My ex-wife Denise Richards shows up looking the way she does. … Wow! Everybody’s winning. Boom!” “White gold? Boom!”

Buh-bye – Charlie uses this phrase when he’s done talking to you.

Example: “That’s how I roll. And if it’s too gnarly for people, then buh-bye,” “Oh wait, can’t process it. Losers. Winning. Buh-bye.”

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March 8, 2011 at 11:30 am | Drinking, Entertainment News, General Stupidity, KCAL Crew, KCAL Rocks, KCALFM.com, Lifestyle, News | No comment

 

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