KCAL Rockers are busy, modern people. Between work, school, family, and – most important – watching football and drinking beer, we don’t always have the time to sit down and read every story in the newsosphere. Sometimes, we’ve just¬†gotta rip whatever information we can straight from the headlines of the business, sports, entertainment, and local pages. That’s why your loving friends at 96-7 KCAL Rocks have taken it upon ourselves to make it nice and easy for you. Plus, we’ve saved you some time by jamming all the big news of the day into a couple easy-to-read “stories”. Some of them might even kinda sorta make sense.¬† Or not.
Here’s your Daily News Mashup for Monday, April 23rd:
-The Dow-Jones Industrial Average plummeted 102 points on reports Lindsay Lohan had been cast to play Elizabeth Taylor in an upcoming Lifetime movie. The network said Lohan was perfect for the role, as she is currently sporting black hair and getting crunk in limos.
-Los Angeles Laker Metta World Peace was ejected from Sunday’s game against the Oklahoma City Thunder after he was caught eavesdropping on the opposing team’s staff. Sources have yet to confirm, but, it appears through his spying he learned the backside of Thunder player James Harden’s skull is particuarly vulnerable to elbows. In what will undoubtedly be the funniest headline of the year, the NBA will probably suspend World Peace.*
-This happened. Men everywhere now have a new standard of dedication to hold their wives and girlfriends to. If she wouldn’t grab a gun and leap onto a moving van to defend you, boys, she just doesn’t love you enough.
*Note: Clearly, MWP was not involved in a spy-ring.¬† The Daily News Mashup is what one might call “parody,” or, “awesome.”¬† So are spies. So are dudes changing their names to Metta World Peace, World B. Free, and Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop Bop Bop.