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KCAL Rockers are busy, modern people. Between work, school, family, and – most important – watching football and drinking beer, we don’t always have the time to sit down and read every story in the newsosphere. Sometimes, we’ve just gotta rip whatever information we can straight from the headlines of the business, sports, entertainment, and local pages. That’s why your loving friends at 96-7 KCAL Rocks have taken it upon ourselves to make it nice and easy for you. Plus, we’ve saved you some time by jamming all the big news of the day into a couple easy-to-read “stories”. Some of them might even kinda sorta make sense.  Or not.

Here’s your Daily News Mashup for Thursday, April 19th:

-Dick Clark dies at 82 after catching a 2,000-pound Great White shark.This is an especially grand accomplishment, considering Clark’s age, and his complete lack of reputation as a sportfisher. It was unknown if the shark got the better of the former American Bandstand host, or if he passed away later on, but, judging from the blood around the shark’s mouth, it looks like America’s Oldest Teenager gave it the business. You can see Dick’s big fish here.

-Tim Tebow was named to Time’s “100 Most Influential People” list. He may have also secretly serviced a number of prostitutes in South America.* If he did, props be unto him. Because it’s Tim Tebow, there’s bound to be a press conference about this sometime soon, and it probably should be. Seriously, look at this girl. If he’s bagging chicks like her, it’s no wonder he wound up on that list.

*Note: No.  Tim Tebow was not busted with an “adult escort”. This is called satire. The only escort He would even consider hanging with is an Escort-brand radar detector. Wait a minute – His Holy Tebowness wouldn’t use a radar detector.  That wouldn’t be goshdarn nice of Him at all, would it?

-Our standard of living in the United States has fallen more than 50% over the last 40 years. Somewhere between 42″ LCD TV’s, X-Box 360′s, and these computers we carry around in our hands that some jerks still refer to as “phones,” it seems people are more troubled now than they were when the country was staring down the Soviet Union.  Then again, Dick Clark is dead and Tim Tebow is one of the most influential people in the world. Maybe they’re onto something here.

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April 19, 2012 at 5:58 pm | General Stupidity, KCAL Crew, KCAL Rocks, News | No comment