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The hugely successful social network may soon go public.  So as a public service to potential investors, let’s learn more about Mark Zuckerberg’s company with the Top Facts About Facebook.

-It’s successfully replaced “a pair of binoculars and a windowless van” as the most effective way to ruthlessly stalk women.

-The janitor at their headquarters looks A LOT like that “Tom” dude from MySpace.

-As of 8:00 A.M. today, a game of “Words with Friends” still has yet to be played by someone with real-life friends.

-Apparently, our receptionist is convinced it was conceived specifically for her to post pictures of her cat dressed as a fireman.

-Trust me:  All of your friends would immediately kill themselves if you didn’t treat them to riveting hourly updates like “Eating some mac and cheese, yo!  LOL!!!”

-Even though your status says “single,” we all know it really means “lonely.”

-Whenever you “like” something, nobody gives a crap.

-To find out the number of REAL friends you have, take the number of Facebook friends you have and then subtract the number of Facebook friends you have.

-Mark Zuckerberg created Facebook as part of his secret plan to make everyone as socially awkward as he is.

-Your mom just joined and she saw that photo of you wearing leather at the Gay Pride Parade.

-It’s done more damage to productivity than all wars and disease combined.

-Since they work at Facebook, employees don’t really have a good way to waste time during the day.

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February 1, 2012 at 8:01 am | KCAL Crew | No comment