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Exciting news, Laker Nation!テつ This just in: the Lakers have been retroactively awarded the 2007 NBA title, reversing the beatdown they suffered in the NBA Finals and passing That Which Is Most Evil as the most decorated team in hoop history with their 17th NBA championship (the Celtics now being reduced to 16 rings).テつ That’s why they hopped in their H.G. Wells Time Machine and scooped up the finest point guard Canada has ever produced, right?

You don’t actually believe the Forum Blue & Gold are now on track to take the cheese in 2013, do you?

Look, it’s not that they didn’t get better – a lot better – when they arm-twisted Steve Nash out of Phoenix.テつ (Thanks for dropping by and giving it a good try, Ramon Sessions.)テつ It’s just that they’re so far behind a certain team in America’s Heartland that this isn’t nearly enough to make up the gap.テつ Oh, and picking up a great offensive point who, particularly in the jurassic phase of his career, is not exactly known for his D, is not going to help solve Russell Westbrook.

Future freakout alert: Hair Canada’s not going to D up very well whenever CP3 dribbles in from across the hall either.テつ And yep, next season, the Lakers officially become the second-best team in their own building.テつ That’s right, Clippers fans – both of you – get ready to get face-stomped in the conference finals by OKC next year!

Speaking of freakouts, ARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!テつ PHOENIX MELTDOWN ALERT!!!! YOU TRAITOR, NASH!!!!!!!!

A few quick Lakers issues to keep in mind:

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again, Kobe now has less tread on his tires than Michael Jordan did when he played playing those two horrid seasons in Washington.

If the current Jim Buss braintrust has any sense, Pau is officially going nowhere.

In addition to the obvious gaping maw of a hole at small forward, the Lakers better sign backups at two (as long as we’re going all 2007, we hear The Answer is available) and four/five (Joel Pryzbilla, anyone?)

Oh, and one other thing: there might be one route back to the top in the West.テつ Its initials are Dwight Howard, balky back and all.テつ Yes, ‘Drew Bynum is now a very good NBA big man with balky knees, if we’re counting (and we are).テつ Both appear to have developed a severe case of rocks-in-the-head.

However, Superman is the only true superstar center in the league who can dominate the middle defensively.テつ Given how many super quick point guards are about to come flying through the middle at Staples Center, the Lakers might want to have a true monster in the middle every night, not just on the nights Young ‘Drew feels monsterish.テつ Stick #12 in the middle, and there might yet be hope for Kobe’s sixth ring.テつ Otherwise…

Hold on a sec.テつ What?テつ There’s more good news?!?!?テつ The Lakers might also pillage the 55-win Suns (remember, it’s 2007 all over again) for Grant Hill?

Sorry – we gotta go.テつ Zenmaster’s on the phone, and we need to let him know he got his fourth Threepeatテ「窶楪「 after all.

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July 5, 2012 at 12:02 pm | Basketball, KCAL Crew, KCAL Rocks, Sports | No comment