Most of us on the KCAL Crew love us some baseball.  Stu and Kelli are huge Dodger fans.  Jimbo?  He still reps his hometown Chisox.  Daryl, sick bastard that he is, is mostly about the Yankees.  Even though they own his Yanks, Daryl has a soft sport for the Angels too.  Later on, we’ll introduce you to our favorite Angels fan, our computer guy and resident fantasy baseball geek, Gentle Ben.

The start of baseball season means our favorite season – summer – is just around the corner.  That, amigo, is reason for serious celebration.  Part of the fun of baseball season is also the this little fact:  When you take 25 money- and hormone-greased male athletes on the road for a total of about three months over a six-month season, stuff happens.

We get down to serious baseball talk – well, as serious as the KCAL Crew gets – tomorrow.  For now, let’s set the stage for the mayhem that will ensue.  For instance…

What would baseball season be without a Canseco Brother crisis?  Get this: Jose – the Canseco who ‘roided up and Bash Brothered his way through baseball – was scheduled to fight in a celebrity boxing match last weekend.  Just one problem.  He allegedly sent his twin brother, Ozzie, to do his bidding.

How could anyone find out?  After all, they’re identical twins.  Just one problem: they don’t have identical tats.  Busted!

Since we find nothing even marginally funny about drunk driving, we’ll simply note that three major leaguers have already been popped for DUI during spring training.  On the other hand, we’d happily mock Braves farmhand Deunte Heath, who got nailed in a prostitution sting last season, but we can’t possibly top the tabloid headline, “Wild Pitcher!”  Trust us. Get it.  (WARNING: THAT ‘TRUST US” LINK IS NSFW.)

Speaking of wild pitchers, one of the funniest books we’ve ever read was written by baseball cult figure – and former All-Star pitcher – Bill “Spaceman” Lee.  His autobiography, The Wrong Stuff, is filled with hilarious tales of groupies, self-medication, and…we’ll leave the rest for you to read.

Meanwhile, as we prepare to see which major leaguer is next to commit a Bozo No-No, we dedicate this season’s baseball crimewatch to former Halos pitcher Byron McLaughlin…wherever he may be today.  A few years ago, he was making good money selling shoes.

Counterfeit shoes. (Really, there are counterfeit shoes out there fraudulently protecting the feet of people, perhaps even someone you love.)  He apparently copped to his misdeeds in court, then took off for points unknown before he could be sent to the pokey.

Phony shoes aren’t quite as creative as a phony boxer who happens to be the identical twin of the dude he’s impersonating, but then, Jose Canseco’s nickname was The Chemist, and you’ve got to be pretty clever to be one of those.

Don’t you?

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March 28, 2011 at 3:58 pm | Baseball, KCAL Crew, KCAL Rocks, Sports | No comment