This totally isn’t about O.J., but he is the poster child for jocks gone bad.

You may have missed the not-so-festive news that Baltimore Orioles relief pitcher Alfredo Simon rang in the new year by (allegedly) capping a guy in his homeland, the Dominican Republic.

He says it was an accident, and lucky for him, he has a former teammate bankrolling his defense, namely Miguel Tejada, who recently wrapped up a six-year, $72 million contract and can presumably afford to pay the Johnnie Cochran of the D.R., whoever that is.

That made us wonder about other professional athletes we either never heard of, or forgot a long time ago,  who haven’t exactly put the kind in mankind.  The question is: How many antisocial jocks can we find? The answer is…lots!  Here are a few lowlights for you.  Some of these are pretty icky; a few are just plain bizarre.

We don’t remember former St. Louis Cardinals defensive end Robert Rozier, which isn’t surprising since his NFL career lasted all of six games in 1979, but our jaws hit the floor when we read about him.  A few years after leaving the league, he took his ample frame to…a religious cult whose initiation ceremony required members to kill somebody and bring back a body part.   Rozier was so good at this, he eventually became the cult’s enforcer and admitted to killing seven people.

Okay, so most of us do remember New York Giants receiver Plaxico Burress.  We especially remember him busting a cap in himself, accidentally of course, at a Manhattan Nightclub with the .40 caliber Glock he’d jammed into his waistband.  He gets out of the joint this spring, meaning he could be shooting for a roster spot in somebody’s minicamp this year.  (Shooting!  Get it?  Dang, we’re heelarious.)

Here’s another sick one that floored us.  A guy who never quite made it in the NFL, but made it all the way to serial killer status, was Randy Woodfield, a 1974 draft pick of the Green Bay Packers.  By 1981, he’d apparently killed 18 victims, though he was only convicted for two of those crimes.  The I-5 Killer is doing 155 years in the Oregon pen at the moment.

Ugueth Urbina succeeded at being the only player in the history of professional baseball with the initials U.U.  Thankfully, he was a failure at killing people with a machete.  He is, however, doing 14 years in Venezuela for attempted murder.

Cecil “The Diesel” Collins was a Miami Dolphins running back.  He succeeded in breaking into his neighbors’ apartment.  He didn’t do that to steal their stuff.  He just wanted to watch the lady of the house sleep. In Florida, that’s good for 15 years in the big house, where he hopes nobody wants to watch him sleep, if you know what we mean.

Cheaters never prosper.  From the world of Bassmasters, don’t be like Paul Tormanen, who ended up pleading guilty to Contest Fraud after getting caught cheating in a tournament.  Remember kids, it’s not cheating unless you get caught.  Of course, if you do get caught, it’s could be jail time and a fine, but who’s counting?

Finally, meet the inappropriately named Tom Pope.  He’s a soccer player in England, meaning – to paraphrase Yoda – in him, the hooliganism is strong.  Last year, he pleaded guilty to affray!  That’s right, he pleaded guilty to a “public order offence consisting of the fighting of two or more persons in a public place to the terror of ordinary people.”

Jimbo does that every day right here in our building, doesn’t he?

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January 6, 2011 at 9:10 am | Baseball, Football, KCAL Crew, KCAL Rocks, Soccer, Sports | No comment