It’s a freakin’ MIRACLE! We’re halfway ’round the bend on the 2011 go ’round of NASCAR and Ol’ Lefty FINALLY got one right. So far this year I’ve done a better job of pickin’ my nose than pickin’ winners, but Denny Hamlin finally came home with the checkers in the Heluva Good! 400 at Michigan International this past Sunday.
Now before we git too far down this road, I gotta point out that I ain’t pullin’ yer leg when I call it the Heluva Good! 400. I know it sounds like somethin’ I’d say when describin’ a Tuesday night at the local bowlin’ alley, but that really is the name of the race. NASCAR will slap a sponsor on justabout anything, and Heluva Good! just happens ta be some darn tasty sour cream dips. So next time yer thinkin’ about eatin’ somethin’ crunchy, make it a Heluva Good! snack. I guarantee you’ll have a Heluva Good! party and yer guests will have a Heluva Good! time. Ya see what I did there? Should be worth a couple thousand bucks of endorsement fees and I can use a new bass fishin’ boat.
Anywho, it ain’t no secret that I’m partial ta Denny Hamlin when it comes to pickin’ drivers, but it ain’t no coincidence that he finally got a “W” at Michigan. Sure, he started the weekend with a few oil pan shenanigans, but as I always say, “If ya ain’t cheatin’, ya ain’t competin’”. He also needed help from Ol’ Man Martin ‘n Little E and the guy in the flag stand, but it all came down ta they guys on pit road. Week after week his guys are faster ‘n everybody else, and it finally paid off. After Dale Jr decided to repaint the wall in Turn 4, Denny came into the pits 2nd and left in 1st. And he never looked back…
Now comes the fun part, tryin’ ta figure out who’s sittin’ like a pig in slop, and who’s sweatin’ bullets in the standin’s. Seem’s like halfa NASCAR is on probation fer some sort of rule breakin’, and with this new fangled Wild Card deal, it’s still ANYBODY’s cup. Denny’s got the win to help him toward the Wild Card spot of 10th or 11th, but he ain’t outta the Top 10 anymore ‘cuz he just got a win, so he doesn’t need it anymore. And Jeff G has two wins which means more bonus points when he makes The Chase, which he will. Or he might not. And after winnin’ 5-in-a-row, Jimmie ain’t gonna have a shot at the Cup, accept he will. Git it? Me neither. And it gits worse when ya consider now the boys are headed to a stretch of wacky road courses with Sonoma and Watkins Glen comin’ up. As of right this second, the road racin’ guys that ain’t supposta have a shot at the The Chase can sneak in with just one win. Ta make a confusin’ story simple, we ain’t gonna know jack until the checkers drop at Richmond, so ya might as well race yer butt off every Sunday and cross yer fingers.
Ta put this sucker ta bed, I jus’ wanna point out that I’m glad more ‘n more folks keep watchin’ NASCAR every weekend, and I do love me some AC/DC, but if I gotta hear that TNT song after every commercial break durin’ the next race, the shotgun is comin’ out of the rack. I git it. Yer network is TNT and the song says TNT, but if ya ruin one of the greatest songs of all history cuz ya think it’s cute to play it a billion times, there’s gonna be Hell ta pay. Like, Hell’s Bells ta pay. Howzabout we just leave the broadcastin’ ta FOX and ESPN already.