Somebody’s been puttin’ bees in the britches of our friends in NASCAR, cuz lately the fellas have been a bit grumpy! So far this season we’ve seen “The Closer” Kevin Harvick throw a haymaker through the window of the 18, and we heard Chad Knaus use some not-safe-fer-church language (NSFW) after 5-Time blowed up at the Coke 600… and that’s just on the television. Rumor has it, the boys ‘ve been havin’ even more fun behind the closed doors of the NASCAR hauler. Heck, they’re even gittin’ into it on Twitter! Grab a cold one and git ready for NASCAR 2011: The Anger Management Edition!
Now it’s no secret that NASCAR has a history of Hatfields ‘N McCoys. Heck, the first televised Daytona 500 back in ’79 ended with a fist fight worthy of any good Irish pub. And guys have always loved ta wing their headgear at passin’ traffic and use a bunch of filthy language too, but lately it seems like some of ‘em should join me for some court ordered counselin’.
Let’s git started with our ol’ buddy Kyle Busch. He’s flown the bird at a NASCAR official, run Harvick’s ride into the wall, and just this past weekend he took a fist in the kisser from THE Richard Childress. Ya know, the guy who owns a bunch of cars and hired Dale Sr. Kyle probly deserved it, but now Childress gits to sit on probation till Christmas and his wallet is $150,000 lighter. Way to control yerself there, buddy!
Speakin’ of Buschs, his big bro Kurt ain’t much better. NASCAR had ta warn him about some “colorful language” (it’s edited) he’s been yappin’ over the radio durin’ races. Every time his undies git a little twisted he decides to swear at his crew like a drunken sailor. Just one problem… the yungins in the bleachers are listnin’ too. Whoops.
And how ’bout the foul mouth on that Chad Knaus. Now that the golden horseshoe that’s been livin’ in Jimmie Johnson’s keester has finally fallen out, his crew chief Chad decided ta drop an F-Bomb (NSFW) on national television. No fine for Chad though. We wouldn’t wanta upset NASCAR’s cash cow JJ.
Maybe the best part is when NASCAR fines people fer bein’ angry but does it all secret like. After Montoya ‘n Newman got their tempers tangled on the track, rumor has it that Ryan took a swing at JP in the NASCAR hauler after the race. Lips are zipped about this one, but Newman admitted that he’d gotten the “Super Secret Probation” treatment before and it cost him some cash. Tony Stewart spilled the beans about secret fines in the past too, and Denny Hamlin copped to bein’ pinched on the down low for $50,000 after talkin’ some smack about NASCAR on Twitter. Seems like even NASCAR is tryin’ ta keep the anger issue under wraps.
Some fellas might be thinkin’ it’s high time fer Dr. Phil ta sit ‘em all down and have a peaceful discussion, but I’m thinkin’ after 500 miles of rubbin’ fenders at 2 Gs in a 120 degree sweat box, I’d be ready ta punch someone in the mouth too. Howzabout “After the Flag Fight Night”? Slap some gloves on ‘em and let ‘em go at it in the cage. Loser pays the fine. It might not fix the anger issue, but i guarantee it will fix last year’s low TV ratings!