The hauler parade survived a wet trip out west on the 10 and we’re ready for some racin’ at the Auto Club Speedway in Fontucky. This year’s edition is a one-uva-kind cuz our grinchy friends at NASCAR took away the fall race, and it’s only 400 miles instead of 500 now. That’s 50 less laps fer me to drink beer and boo Jeff Gordon every time he goes by, and since I can’t afford the American-Made Ethenol to haul my butt cross-country fer every race, I’m gonna havta make this weekend EPIC!
You should know NASCAR’s stompin’ ground in So Cal by now, and if ya don’t, SHAME ON YOU, but just in case you were a bit tipsy and don’t recall the stats, here’s the nitty gritty on the track we know and love. It’s a giant 2 mile ‘D’ with low bankin’ in the turns which qualifies it as a Super Speedway. That means cars go really really fast here. On Sunday, you’ll see ‘em hummin’ into turn 1 at near 200 MPH, but they better git it whoa’d up quick to avoid leavin’ their sponsor on the safer barrier. The asphalt is also hella wide, and it’s the only track you’ll see ‘em 5 wide on the front stretch. It doesn’t always end well, but lucky fer us, it’s the Auto Club Speedway, so there’s plenty of wreckers to go around. Now, where did I put that card?
Outside the track is where you’ll see NASCAR Nation playin’ chicken with Hollywood glitz. I can tell ya fer sure it’s the only time you’ll see Wolfgang Puck at a stock car race. This year we’re bein’ treated to a flashback of sorts with Christian Slater startin’ the engines, a Star Spangled Banner from Richard Marx (the guy who treated us to THIS GEM), and boxing legend Sugar Ray Leonard droppin’ the green flag. It’s like somebody stole that DeLorean doohickey from the Family Ties kid and put the race in 1991. If that makes ya feel like a ol’ fogey, don’t git yer undies in a bunch. Good Charlotte will be performin’ LIVE before the race so you can rock out to that Rich & Famous song like ya did back when.
Enough jibber jabber. On to the business of predictin’. The Cat ‘N the Hat and the boys at Roush Fenway Racing got their ducks in a row so far in 2011, and they got a history of dominatin’ in California. Don’t be all discombobulated if ya see Edwards or The Biff in Victory Lane. Sunny CA is also the home track of ‘Mr. 5 Time’ Jimmie Johnson and Happy Harvick, so they’ll be lookin’ to play hometown hero on Sunday. Let’s not forget Tony Stewart who’s hungry fer a win, and Jeff Gordon (BOO!) who’s won here like a billion times. Ol’ Man Martin’s been lovin’ this track since way back in his Viagra days, and Kyle has added to the I.E. smog a few times himself. Simply speakin’, ya might as well toss a dart at the startin’ grid and place yer bet. I’ll be rootin’ fer Denny in the FedEx Express as always, so I might as well throw my money down a hole. Speakin’ of FedEx, ever notice how they hid a arrow in their logo all sneaky like?
The only thang I’m fer certain about is that Dale Jr is gonna be takin’ a bow for all the wrong reasons again. Sorry Jr. Nation, but he sucks here and he always will. Looks like he’s made his peace with that though.
I’m headed to the track now, so I’ll be back with a recap after my hangover wears off sometime Tuesday afternoon. And in case ya missed it in my last blog thingy, my ol’ drinkin’ buddy 4orty and me will be workin’ our way through the infield one pop top at a time until every beer’s been drunk. Either that or we’ll end up passed out in a redneck jacuzzi with a #3 shaved into our back hair. Don’t worry… we’re videatapin’ the whole thang.