When we left off yesterday (about 36 beers ago), we were chattin’ about the new rules and such for the coming NASCAR season. Here’s a few more screwballs fer 2011.
ONE LESS GREASE MONKEY -
Ever tried ta shotgun a can of beer in less than 14 seconds without spillin’ any? Well, them techy engineerin’ folk at NASCAR figured out how to ram 18 gallons of gas into a race car without any endin’ up on yer feet. That means ya don’t need the extra fella behind the car that catches the overflow no more, so he ain’t allowed over the wall. That’s one less guy runnin’ around like a jackrabbit dodgin’ traffic, which is a good thing. Kinda like one less bill collector blowin’ up yer phone, know what I mean? Problem is, now you got one less guy to crank on a wrench and put some wedge into that puppy. That big fella with the gas can is gonna be busy this year, and the kid in the cockpit can expect to be sittin’ on Pit Lane for an extra 2 ticks.
GORDON & JR. DO THE SWITCH-A-ROO -
It ain’t no secret that Dale Jr. ain’t livin’ up to his daddy’s standards for intimidatin’, and Jeff Gordon has been busy crankin’ out babies instead of trophies, so it’s no surprise that Big Bossman Hendrick has stirred the pot. While Jimmie gets to keep B.F.F. Chad Knaus and the crew that pulled off the “Drive For Five”, Dale Jr. and J.G. will be workin’ with new crew chiefs and swappin’ garages. And now Old Man Martin is caught up in the shuffle. Just put him on the porch with a shotgun and let him yell at raccoons and he’ll be fine. Seems to be workin’ for the others too. Little E and J.G. will be pullin’ the Daytona train from the front row come race day.
C.O.T. GETS A NOSE JOB -
I promised ya yesterday that I’d give ya a peek at the new smile the COT will be sportin’ for 2011. And here she is in all her glory…
The Lawn-Mowin’, Ankle-Bustin’, Tire-Shreddin’, Splitter of DOOM is still there, but she’s hidden under a pretty skirt now. She’ll handle the same with less garbage in her grill, so she should be less hot under the collar. She’ll look a bit more like her factory sisters too, which the big wigs in Detroit (and Japan) will like.
Tomorrah it’s all about Daytona when I Pick-a-Part, I mean PICK APART the “The Great American Race”. I’m talkin’ restrictor plate shenanigans, a look back at the worst day in racin’, the nifty new asphalt, and “the Big One”. ‘Till then, git yer history learnin’ hat on and watch how the Daytona 500 ended in 1979.