People are fretting and panicking over the recent chicken wing shortage.  Twenty-six thousand pounds of wings were robbed from a storage facility in Georgia over the weekend.  Who keeps their wings in a storage facility?  Have you seen the people who frequent those places?  I don’t want my wings sitting around in dead Grandma’s old dusty possessions.

I digress…”officials” (who are these people really?) are saying that the chicken population is down by one-percent and there will be fewer wings available to the public for consumption on Sunday for the big game.  People are beside themselves over this horrifying, heart-rending news.

They say these numbers will continue to lower until there are no wings left and we’ll have to import our wings from Canada at a higher price.  Only the very wealthy will be able to afford and enjoy the delicacy that is Chicken Wings.

People all over will resort to acts of severe desperation.  People will start to wing hoard.  There will be chickens running around with no wings.  People will start to pass off the wings of common birds like blackbirds and finches as chicken wings. Manufactured birds will become the norm.  Mayhem will ensue.

The only way to stop this madness is to slowly ween yourself off chicken wings so you don’t go into withdrawal when the shortage happens.  Maybe try to visit a chickenadone clinic.

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January 30, 2013 at 10:34 am | General Stupidity, KCAL Crew, KCAL Rocks | No comment