People are fretting and panicking over the recent chicken wing shortage. Â Twenty-six thousand pounds of wings were robbed from a storage facility in Georgia over the weekend. Â Who keeps their wings in a storage facility? Â Have you seen the people who frequent those places? Â I don’t want my wings sitting around in dead Grandma’s old dusty possessions.
I digress…”officials” (who are these people really?) are saying that the chicken population is down by one-percent and there will be fewer wings available to the public for consumption on Sunday for the big game. Â People are beside themselves over this horrifying, heart-rending news.
They say these numbers will continue to lower until there are no wings left and we’ll have to import our wings from Canada at a higher price. Â Only the very wealthy will be able to afford and enjoy the delicacy that is Chicken Wings.
People all over will resort to acts of severe desperation. Â People will start to wing hoard. Â There will be chickens running around with no wings. Â People will start to pass off the wings of common birds like blackbirds and finches as chicken wings. Manufactured birds will become the norm. Â Mayhem will ensue.
The only way to stop this madness is to slowly ween yourself off chicken wings so you don’t go into withdrawal when the shortage happens. Â Maybe try to visit a chickenadone clinic.