We assume those Wings Of Death aren’t really going to be on their backs come game time. Otherwise, Stu’s going to think he’s flashing back to seeing Canned Heat at the Swing.
Fans of college football and Tim Gunn have had something in common for years: a profound dread that can only be inspired by the words “Oregon Ducks show off new uniforms”. Prepare to spend January 2 – at least they’re not playing on National Hangover Day New Years Day this year – retching at that which Nike hath wrought this go-round. Coming next week to a Rose Bowl near you – assuming you live in the I.E., of course – it’s OREGON FOOTBALL TRAINWRECK 2012!!!
You’ll be delighted to know that, per Nike, “The new uniform provides enhanced thermoregulation and more durability with the inclusion of Nike Chain Maille Mesh…” Chainmail? Excellent! Introducing the Oregon offensive line..
Maryland to Oregon: Top this for revolting, bitchez!
They said it couldn’t be done. (Who “they” are, we have no idea, but whatever.) There are some sports records that simply can’t be broken. Ever.
Cy Young’s 511 wins? A baseball standard for all time. The Lakers 33-game winning streak? Untouchable in this era of sporting parity. Wilt Chamberlain’s 100 points in a single NBA game? Forever unbreakable. That 109-yard kickoff return Antonio Cromartie had a few years back for the Bolts? Mathematically assured of eternal greatness.
In the world of college football, nothing seemed safer than the proposition that the Oregon Ducks’ ridiculous collection of unis, most based on the colors of barf and bile, would always be, in the words of the Beastie Boys, the most illinest.
Not so fast, amigo. The visual trainwrecks the Terrapins rolled out in last night were truly awe-inspiring, in a record-breaking, stomach-churning sorta way.
As we head into the first football weekend of the year – college ball all weekend with the NFL kicking off Thursday night with the last two Super Bowl winners, the Packers and Saints – just make sure the woman in your life knows you want to watch football.
In mere hours, our long footballless national nightmare will end. Exactly seven days before the NFL returns for reals, college ball kicks off tonight. Even with a concert by Kid Rock and two bands you don’t care about, followed by a throwdown between the last two Super Bowl Champs, college ball starts better. Much better.
Why? Ramifications. Whoever loses that Packers-Saints game will be down a tiebreaker that might matter when we get to January. When Saturday is done, two national title contenders will just about be toast.
Intrigued? Here’s what you need to know to dive into warmup weekend before the big boys get started next week.
Ever hear how totally bizarre and over-the-top high school football is in Texas? We got a taste last year when we went to this place – a high school football stadium complete with luxury boxes. The halftime show was half an hour long and featured this nationally-ranked (really) high school marching band that about half the school participates in. A couple thousand people left the stadium after the halftime show. Seriously.
We won’t even discuss the football game except to say that it was pretty amazing watching our buddy’s entire family melt down when the home team lost its homecoming game. Insane only begins to describe the experience.
Well…at least until you watch this video. Leave your own one-word description for it in the comments section.
As the old saying goes, if you’re not cheating, you’re not trying. And, well, the ‘Canes have (allegedly) been trying really, really hard for the last decade! Where to start? Where to start?
Howzabout with the ringleader who paid for the whole dealybob? His name is Nevin Shapiro, and he’s currently doing 20 years after pleading guilty to running an $880 million ponzi scheme. Bro – way to aim high, though Bernie Madoff laughs at your puny efforts!
It was nothing less than heart-wrenching listening to Stu, Tiffany & Jimbo this morning, particularly when they did KCAL Sports Stu at 5:50. So profound was Jimbo’s heartache, you could almost hear the tears dribbling off his microphone as he struggled to hold it together.
After all, Randy Moss, the only true love of his life (besides himself, of course), is done. (Until he unretires, anyway.) Join us now as we take a look at Jimbo’s ongoing experience with the five stages of grieving.
Not that it’s exactly a surprise, but us sports fans are now being treated to a doubleshot of lockouts. With the NBA having joined the NFL in Laborstrifeland at midnight, instead of getting amped up for the new seasons, we get to watch two simultaneous episodes of Billionaires vs. Millionaires.
Who do you think will win? Do you really care? Us neither.
And now…to hop on the itsovernoitisnt rollercoaster! Over the last couple weeks, there’s been increasing noise that the NFL lockout may be done soon. Today, the WWL says “optimism is waning” for an agreement. Like we said, enjoy the rollercoaster ride.
Eight. That’s the number of games the NFL may try to sell us as being a legitimate 2011 season…