Tonightâ€™s national championship basketball game is almost a repeat from last year. Itâ€™s David vs. Goliath, Round Two! Join us tonight as Cinderella challenges for the national title against a confirmed NCAA powerhouse with a strong tournament track record.
This yearâ€™s David had a lot of things going against it when Mr. Calendar turned March. Their regular season performance was good, but considering their reputation, also underwhelming. There was even the off chance they would miss the tournament. Goliath, on the other hand, didnâ€™t get it done completely during the season either, but with their background, they werenâ€™t really concerned about whether theyâ€™d be dancing. Loaded with tournament-grizzled studs, including their superstar one-name guard, they were pretty much The Team That No One Wants To Face, despite the fact that they werenâ€™t going to be anything like a one- or two-seed.
Remember when you first realized that you would never be able to dunk like the guys you watched playing basketball? You kept thinking maybe you’d grow taller and then you’d be able to pull it off, but then one day reality set in didn’t it? Jacob Tucker is living our dream…
Okay, so March is feeling a little less mad now that we’re down to the final 16 participants in America’s annual college basketball orgy. On the other hand, Stu is on vacation right now, and we have it on good authority that he’s also down to his final 16 beers, so someone’s going to be mad before the day is out.
Luckily, since he’s not here this week, airlifting a drunken Stu from his garage to the bathroom floor, where he can sleep things off, is somebody else’s problem, not ours. With all that free time on our hands, here’s what we’ll be watching the next couple days.
Yes, they’re identical triplets. They’re from Poland.
Save your polish sausage jokes for Jimbo.
For those of us who grew up with the Showtime Lakers, last night’s run and gun triple overtime escape conjured memories of the NBA’s all-timer, a 1983 triple OT track meet between Detroit and Denver that ended with the Nuggets scoring 184 points…and losing by a deuce. Here, enjoy the box score and contemplate NBA legends Alex English and Zeke Thomas scoring 47 points each and not being the game-high scorer.
While college basketball in the throes of Madness, your Los Angeles Lakers – consummate professionals that they are – will now settle in at home for a comfy, and hopefully lucky, 13 days featuring six games that could go a long way to making April and May much happier months than previously expected.
The run starts with a relaxing and (presumably) pleasant visit with old friend Kurt Rambis and his 17-win Minnesota Tomato Cans. Of course, the last time the 16-time World Champs had a home game against a pushover like the T-Wolves, they lost to the future Los Angeles Royals of Anaheim.
Sorry, we asked Stu to find something representative of March Madness, and this is what he came back with.
The three weeks of the year when otherwise marginally-interested people everywhere suddenly jump on the college basketball bandwagon have arrived, and – just like always – it’s MADNESS BA-BEE!!!
In case you were wondering how much you cared, are you aware the proceedings actually began yesterday? Seriously, they did. Didja miss that epic showdown between UNC-Asheville and Arkansas-Little Rock? You’ll be glad to know that the Bulldogs won in an overtime thriller. (We’ll leave you to figure out who the Bulldogs represent.)
As the Lakers’ playoff picture was getting immensely brighter in an otherwise thoroughly enjoyable road win in Dallas Saturday night – one that left them a half-game behind the Mavs for the #2 seed in the West, with their season series coming down to a March 31 tiebreaker at Staples – things suddenly got really, really scary when Kobe went down with an ankle injury uglier than Stu without the mask.
Okay, so last night’s loss in Miami was a definite downer, especially if your name happens to be spelled J-I-M-B-O, in which case you’ve been tortured at the spray tanning mitts of some loser named 4orty. (Nice touch on the Bieber thing, 4orty!)
Hold up. Because 4orty had Jimbo tramp stamped with Justin Bieber’s name, we just pulled up the video that goes with that lame Bieber song Jimbo got caught singing, so we could link to it. Did you know the video has almost half a freaking billion views? Sick. Very sick.
Well, well, well. With a monster win in San Antonio behind them, and two hugely important games ahead of them Thursday and Saturday in Miami and Dallas, there was only one possible outcome for last night’s game against a pretty good Atlanta Hawks team.
As expected, the 16-time NBA Champions didn’t care and embarrassed themselves throttled another playoff team on the road, putting up a 20-point lead late in the third quarter and then cruising home with a 101-87 win.
Memo to Bob from San Antonio: Keep that head up when you’re sitting courtside, buddy.
This being the most important week of the Lakers’ final run to the NBA playoffs, we figured we’d get overly dramatic about the whole thing. (It was either that, or write about the first week of baseball exhibition games, and we’re just not that into it yet.) With six wins in six post-All Star games under their belts, the Lakers headed into San Antonio yesterday knowing there’s no realistic way they’ll catch the Spurs for home court in the playoffs. They promptly fell apart in the fourth quarter, getting blown off the floor by 13 points during the dozen minutes when most basketball games are won.
Of course, there was the matter of the Lakers mopping the floor with the Spurs by a mere 28 points in the first half. (There was also the matter of Ron Artest mopping up a dude’s coffee with his face – see the video above.)
In other words, a mere 64 games into an 82-game season, ladies and gentleman, please welcome Your Los Angeles Lakers!!!