See that bottle? No, not the little one. That’s a regular sized bottle, I’m talking about the BIG one. That’s the $90,000 bottle of champagne that Mark Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks bought after the team won the NBA Championship on Sunday night…
Now that America’s Team (for the last two weeks anyway) has vanquished that choker who took his talents (for tanking in the biggest games) to South Beach, let The Aftermath begin. It’s time to harsh on ‘Bron!!! For the next few weeks, everybody’s going to be doing it!
Just one thing. If you can’t stand the Heat, you might want to get out of the NBA kitchen before next season begins…whenever that is. In case you missed it, there was absolutely no way The Heatles ever should have gotten this far this fast. Better for the 4ortys of the world, their roster should only get better from here.
Said differently: The Big Three just came within two wins of the Larry O’Brien Trophy with exactly two teammates who had any business playing in the NBA Finals: Udonis Haslem and Mike Miller, and one (Miller) was playing with a shredded shoulder.
Missed the news? Old friend Shaquille O’Neal is hanging ‘em up. Here’s a link to the Twitter video he posted to announce his retirement.
Things got pretty bizarre from time to time in L.A., and he stuck around a couple years longer than he should have, but the Shaqtus was always good for some laughs and those three banners he hung in Staples sure tasted nice after that twelve-year title drought.
Thanks for the taking us along for part of the ride, Big Retired Dude.
Is it us, or is dude wearing an iPod while he’s coaching?
Just as nobody predicted, it looks like Your Los Angeles Lakers are about to hire former Cleveland Cavaliers coach Mike Brown as their new head coach. Kobe, pining for Brian Shaw, is (like the rest of us) apparently “surprised” by the news.
Does that make Brown’s hiring bad news? Uh, not exactly. Here’s why…
You can search all over the interwebs, and – with the exception of our favorite choice – you’ll see the same names everywhere. You’re far too busy getting ready for next Friday’s KCAL Kegger to waste your time the way we waste our time, so here’s a list of names with our lame comments.
Beware: there’s a pornstache on the other side of the jump.
It’s Day Four of the Longest Lakers Postseason Ever. Luckily, with an NBA labor war on the horizon, we’ve probably only got between 8 and 18 months to get over it.
Yesterday, we ran out the predictable ideas regarding the Lakers’ real areas of need: point guard, small forward and the bench. In a Forum Blue & Gold Dreamworld, that would entail Our Heroes finding a way to talk Jamal Crawford into taking the mid-level salary cap exception, which should be around $6 mil a year, to play the point, and getting Michael Redd and Grant Hill or Peja Stojakovic for the league minimum.
That could happen, but it probably won’t. More importantly, there’s something wrong with the Lakers. We can’t tell exactly what that something is, but every Lakers “era” became an era after they got a huge jolt to their system, when they picked up (1980′s) Magic Johnson, (1990′s) Kobe and Shaq, and (2000′s) Pau Gasol.
The Lakers need another bolt out of the Forum Blue, and we have a couple of twisted ideas where they can get one. You probably already know what one of them is, but other the one might freak you out.
Welcome to the Lakers’ Postseason From Hell, where Laker Nation has just two things to say:
The first one we’ll leave to the rest of the NBA, even The Heatles, who we dislike immensely, which means we think they’re Mother Teresa compared to Boston. Now that we’ve recovered a bit from the trainwreck that was the Dallas series, let’s start yammering about the second. Where do you want to begin – Kobe or koaching?
Considering the most decorated coach in the game just watched his team pull off one of the all-time flame jobs, we figure we should get to the suit later and start with the guys wearing short pants beginning with the one who matters most.
Well, except for these two words: perimeter defense.
That is all.
Surely you’ve enjoyed this NSFW video that Stu, Tiffany & Jimbo introduced to us on Tuesday. (And if not, you really need to – just don’t do it at work.) Assuming you’ve seen it you know two things: (1) honey badger don’t give a <bad word beginning with an s that we have to beep out on the radio> and (2) honey badger takes what he wants.
Kinda makes you wonder, don’t it? Are your Los Angeles Lakers really honey badgers? After all, they usually take what they want, and they clearly don’t give a <four-letter word we can’t say here either>. Just one problem…
Why didn’t the Lakers want to take either of the first two games of their playoff series with Dallas?