Exciting news, Laker Nation! This just in: the Lakers have been retroactively awarded the 2007 NBA title, reversing the beatdown they suffered in the NBA Finals and passing That Which Is Most Evil as the most decorated team in hoop history with their 17th NBA championship (the Celtics now being reduced to 16 rings). That’s why they hopped in their H.G. Wells Time Machine and scooped up the finest point guard Canada has ever produced, right?
You don’t actually believe the Forum Blue & Gold are now on track to take the cheese in 2013, do you?
Yee-freaking-haw – it’s time for the Lakers’ Second Annual Quest To Catch The Beelzebubs of Basketball, er, Boston Celtics In NBA Championships, also known as the playoffs. Yep, it’s now okay to come to after another pointless NBA regular season, conveniently shortened by a couple months thanks to a lockout we’ve all forgotten.
And this go-round, as expected, we have some exciting new guests. Please welcome to the dance floor the professional sporting world’s former answer to The Twelve Stooges, “yourrrrrrr” Los Angeles Clippers!!! (Actually, the Clips have really always been about one Stooge, but since he owns the team, and his buffoonery has been so, uh, buffoonarific, even all-stars like Danny Manning and Dominique Wilkins have staggered under his buffoonishness.)
Going into the season, we told you SoCal’s two NBA entries were more or less evenly matched, and that’s more or less how things played out this season, with the Lakers (thankfully) taking the season series and, by the skin of Kobe Bryant’s shin, the Pacific Division. Okay, so what happens now? Here we go…
Longtime Laker fan favorite was traded to the Houston Rockets minutes before the NBA trade deadline today. D-Fish is truly one of the good guys in the NBA. Nothing but class, and nothing but clutch when you needed him most. Here’s wishing him good luck, and hoping that when he’s done he comes back to be part of the Lakers family forever.
Enjoy some of his most legendary moments…oh, and do yourself a favor and be sure to click on the full screen option to really enjoy it.
This time, Eddie Vedder singing “Jeremy (Lin)”.
While it certainly doesn’t suck to be LeBron, we’re guessing you didn’t go to work on Christmas and get heckled by a confrontational Santa. We had no idea that, after bringing joy to the world’s good girls and boys, the jolly old elf likes to drop the sleigh at the American Airlines Center and get his drink on at a Mavs game for a little r&r. Can’t you just picture the conversation at the Dallas concession stand?
“Okay, Beertender. Gimme tee martoonis…and…and…a G&T. Whaddya mean I gotta drink out of a plastic cup? What kinda joint is this – Stu’s house? My beard? I tink I lost it when I made that delivery at the agave factory in Jalisco. C’mon bro…didja think that suckers real? Hurry up. I don’t wanna miss Bosh blowing another layup.”
Ahh, Christmas â€“ A day for joy, hope, and basketball. Well, that and Laker Nationâ€™s worst nightmare.
Letâ€™s start with the second worst thing you can tell any Lakers fan (including this one): The Clippers are a better bet to hold up that giant golden basketball than the Lakers. Oh sure, they wonâ€™t do that this year, but â€“ unless until Donald Sterling screws things up again â€“ theyâ€™re in much better position to win their first ring before the Lakers tie the evil green empire with #17.
Take heart, Lakers fan. For the foreseeable future, at least weâ€™re not going to be hearing the single worst thing we can ever hear: The Celtics win the championship. Thanks, for that Kendrick Perkins trade, Danny Ainge! Oh, and enjoy watching him in the Finals this year when the Thunder get worked by The Heatles.
Anyway, hereâ€™s a look at why it might be time to consider jumping bandwagons. In an attempt to avoid causing Laker Nation to break out in hives this Christmas Day, weâ€™ll resist saying the words â€œChris Paulâ€ and â€œLamar Odomâ€ unless absolutely necessary.
Update: After putting the deal on hold, it looks like the NBA, which owns the Hornets, just killed the deal. For now anyway.
That having been said, the action moved up the 5 Freeway from Anaheim to downtown L.A on Thursday. For a while there, things were apparently changing forever in the land of Forum Blue & Gold: Chris Paul almost became a Laker, giving the team their first dominant point guard since…Magic?
Just a couple problems if the deal really does go through: (1) Who’s the new power forward? Derrick Caracter? Kenyon Martin? Look! Vlad Rad and Kwame Brown are available!!! (2) The other obvious move in Mitch Kupchak’s playbook is to make a run at one Dwight Howard, who wants out of Orlando. Just one thing: with both Pau and Lamar gone, what would the Lakers have to offer besides ‘Drew Bynum?
Not that it’s exactly a surprise, but us sports fans are now being treated to a doubleshot of lockouts. With the NBA having joined the NFL in Laborstrifeland at midnight, instead of getting amped up for the new seasons, we get to watch two simultaneous episodes of Billionaires vs. Millionaires.
Who do you think will win? Do you really care? Us neither.
And now…to hop on the itsovernoitisnt rollercoaster! Over the last couple weeks, there’s been increasing noise that the NFL lockout may be done soon. Today, the WWL says “optimism is waning” for an agreement. Like we said, enjoy the rollercoaster ride.
Meet the Lakers’ new starting small forward: Metta World Peace! Yep, the erstwhile Ronald William Artest, Junior has decided to take his quest to pass Dennis Rodman as the most…uh…colorful NBA player ever to a new level by changing his name to – you read it right – Metta World Peace.
There’s no word yet on whether we’re expected to stop calling him Ron Ron and start calling him Metta Metta, World World, or whatever whatever. We are reminded, however, of a few amusing athlete name changes from days past.
Nothing ever changes: Charlotte Hornets 1996 first-rounder Kobe Bryant.
Ahh…sweet refuge. It’s NBA Draft Day, meaning we have an excuse to stop ripping the local baseball teams and talk about the Lakers basketball for a day. Let’s only go halfway though – let’s rip the draft. It’s one of the weakest in years.