Gotta say, I loved the Kings fans that brought cutouts of the Jersey Shore losers and taunted the New Jersey Devils during their 4-0 loss to the Los Angeles Kings during Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals at Staples Center on Monday night! And what an amazing run the Kings are on in the postseason in their quest to bring the coolest trophy in all of sports to So Cal for the first time in team history…Go Kings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a doughnut – or two, or three – and help celebrate National Doughnut Day!

In case you missed the Saturday Night Live season finale this past weekend, here is the great jam Mick Jagger (who also hosted the show) layed down with the Foo Fighters backing him. More videos after the jump…

Like this! Here’s the little ol’ band outta Texas sneak previewing one of their new songs in a commercial for Jeremiah Weed. Enjoy!…

KCAL Rockers are busy, modern people. Between work, school, family, and – most important – watching football and drinking beer, we don’t always have the time to sit down and read every story in the newsosphere. Sometimes, we’ve just gotta rip whatever information we can straight from the headlines of the business, sports, entertainment, and local pages. That’s why your loving friends at 96-7 KCAL Rocks have taken it upon ourselves to make it nice and easy for you. Plus, we’ve saved you some time by jamming all the big news of the day into a couple easy-to-read “stories”. Some of them might even kinda sorta make sense.  Or not.

Here’s your Daily News Mashup for Monday, May 7th:

-Miley Cyrus–mildly insane daughter of Billy Ray–stormed onto the court during last night’s Lakers-Nuggets NBA playoff game. America’s Oldest Tweenager has yet to talk about (or, even, admit to) her behavior, but it likely has something to do with the godawful, forsaken craptastic bomb of a movie she just released, “LOL.” Her public apology will probably look something like: “OMG SRY evry1 had 2 promote my muvie, LOL i <3 bsktballz <33333333333333333″

-The now-infamous walking disaster known as “Tanning Mom,” has agreed to star in a pornographic film. It looks like her lone stipulation was that she have no, um, “co-star,” giving herself 100% of the screen-time and the rest of us nightmares on par with visions of our own death. So far, no one knows which production company is filming the porno project, but, who can blame them for not wanting to take responsibility? The truly sick and twisted can click here for a short preview of “Tanning Mom’s” upcoming release.

-Olympic gold medal swimmer Michael Phelps has announced his impending retirement after this year’s Games on news that marijuana prices in California are in free-fall. The world-class athlete was publicly disciplined for marijuana use a few years back by whatever league or association governs swimming (and you thought Roger Goodell only existed in football), and it would not be surprising if California’s attractive pot prices drew him here for retirement. Plan on hearing him in-studio with Stoner Rob in the coming years, playing his pluggy sidekick, “The Psychadellic Swimmer.”* Just remember to pass it to the left hand side, Mikey.

*Get real: Phelps is NOT going to appear on Stu, Tiffany and Jimbo alongside Stoner Rob. He is quitting after the Olympics, though. Remember, the Mashup is a parody, anyone who takes the words written here as fact is a fool and should be privately ridiculed.

Do you own this Led Zeppelin t-shirt? It was a promotional shirt made in 1969. It is worth about 20 dollars. Oh, hang on, did I say 20, I meant 20,000 dollars! I kid you not…

KCAL Rockers are busy, modern people. Between work, school, family, and – most important – watching football and drinking beer, we don’t always have the time to sit down and read every story in the newsosphere. Sometimes, we’ve just gotta rip whatever information we can straight from the headlines of the business, sports, entertainment, and local pages. That’s why your loving friends at 96-7 KCAL Rocks have taken it upon ourselves to make it nice and easy for you. Plus, we’ve saved you some time by jamming all the big news of the day into a couple easy-to-read “stories”. Some of them might even kinda sorta make sense.  Or not.

Here’s your Daily News Mashup for Wednesday, April 25th:

-Shattering expectations and confusing critics, the Indianapolis Colts have elected to draft supermodel Kate Upton’s boobs with the 1st overall pick of the 2012 NFL Draft*. The boobs, which were recently featured in Esquire, will serve the team in a yet unknown capacity, but no matter what they’re doing, fans can all agree they’ll look a lot better on the field than Stanford QB Andrew Luck. If the League had any idea the Colts were going to make such an unorthodox move, they may have scheduled them in more than one primetime game. Boobs!

-A “former prostitute” from Brazil is taking some time off from suing the United States embassy to offer a “night alone” with whomever is taken LAST in the NFL Draft, affectionately known as “Mr. Irrelevant.” The hooker claims she was thrown from an embassy van in December of last year, continuing the U.S. government’s poor record with South American prostitutes. She made her invitation to Mr. Irrelevant via YouTube, where she does not appear to have any injuries. No one but Mr. Irrelevant will get to know just how much being thrown from a van has hampered her, ahem, craft.

-(Suspended) Los Angeles Laker Metta World Peace will play football for (suspended) New Orleans Saints Head Coach Sean Payton while the two have seemingly nothing else to do. Payton said in an interview he’d like to coach his son’s football team with his well-earned time off, but since World Peace won’t be back on the court for seven games, it seems like a natural fit for the two to work together. The duo could be the most dangerous in all sports, as World Peace has demonstrated time and again his willingness to injure people for free.

*Don’t worry, Colts fans, Jim Irsay isn’t really going to pass on Luck (so far as we know). The News Mashup is a parody, a joke, a funny thing you should be reading every day.

**Goodness, look at Kate Upton’s rack.

KCAL Rockers are busy, modern people. Between work, school, family, and – most important – watching football and drinking beer, we don’t always have the time to sit down and read every story in the newsosphere. Sometimes, we’ve just gotta rip whatever information we can straight from the headlines of the business, sports, entertainment, and local pages. That’s why your loving friends at 96-7 KCAL Rocks have taken it upon ourselves to make it nice and easy for you. Plus, we’ve saved you some time by jamming all the big news of the day into a couple easy-to-read “stories”. Some of them might even kinda sorta make sense.  Or not.

Here’s your Daily News Mashup for Wednesday, April 25th:

-A man with no legs or arms- described as a “limbless endurance athlete”- managed to kill a gray whale, by slam-dunking a golf ball inside of it (beat that, Cosmo Kramer). The swimmer, Frenchman Phillipe Croizon, must have encountered the whale near the Pacific coast, as its carcass washed up in Washington’s Puget Sound. Croizon was in the middle of swimming around the world (which is now the second most-impressive thing about him), while the whale was, presumably, innocently bobbing around the ocean before Croizon killed him. Can’t wait to hear what PETA has to say about this one.

-Dan Marino has been banned from classrooms across British Columbia (up in ol’ Canadia), shortly after being named one of the newest spokespeople for the AARP. One B.C. teacher claims Dan the Man is now “too political” for her classroom, and the school board is following her lead. Add “teach in Canada” to the list of things Marino Will Never Do, right up there with “win a Superbowl,” and “live down ‘Ace Ventura.’” It’s a rare move for Canada, a country so benign they’ve even taken to dismantling their own Navy, to single someone out so aggressively. Poor Dan-o. At least he’ll be able to officially collect those sweet Senior Citizens’ discounts everywhere now.

-Detroit Lion Calvin Johnson- affectionately known as “Megatron”- unveiled a huge new deal today: $40 million for three seasons of letting E! follow him around. The show, which could be titled “Keeping Up With Calvin,” or, perhaps, “Messin’ With Megatron,” will be the same kind of overhyped crap we’ve come to expect from reality TV, with only TMZ and bored housewives tuning in. Lions fans seem worried Johnson could fall victim to the “Kardashian Curse,” and wind up marrying Lamar Odom, or…well, there’s really nothing worse than that.*

*Note: No, Calvin Johnson didn’t really sign up for any stupid reality shows. Once again, the Mashup is parody, and if you take anything written here as fact, well, you’ve been spending too much time licking Stu. He was chosen by fans to appear on the cover of the upcoming Madden football video game**, though, so big ups to him.

**Calvin Johnson – not Stu, dumbass.

Olympic organizers recently contacted the Who’s management office asking if Keith Moon would be interested in participating in the upcoming ceremonies. Only one thing – he’s been dead since 1978.

KCAL Rockers are busy, modern people. Between work, school, family, and – most important – watching football and drinking beer, we don’t always have the time to sit down and read every story in the newsosphere. Sometimes, we’ve just gotta rip whatever information we can straight from the headlines of the business, sports, entertainment, and local pages. That’s why your loving friends at 96-7 KCAL Rocks have taken it upon ourselves to make it nice and easy for you. Plus, we’ve saved you some time by jamming all the big news of the day into a couple easy-to-read “stories”. Some of them might even kinda sorta make sense.  Or not.

Here’s your Daily News Mashup for Tuesday, April 24th:

-Pizza Hut today announced plans that could finish off a woman nearly killed by the Heart Attack Grill. The woman almost literally died of gluttony after an orgy of cigarettes, booze, and this gorgeous thing, but eventually recovered. Check out the details of Pizza Hut’s latest contribution to America’s Bountiful Obesity Bonanza here. Just remember, it’s called a “deadly” sin for a reason.

-Soon-to-be NFL babyface Andrew Luck is being sued by Deion Sanders. Sanders said he was “jumped” by Luck “and a friend,”* in front of his children, and has decided to sue Luck for all the Indianapolis Colts hope he’s worth. NFL scouts everywhere must be kicking themselves for committing such an obvious oversight while drumming up drama bout Robert Griffin III.

*Okay, The Next Peyton didn’t jump Neion Deion.  Hit the links to find out who (allegedly) did jump his route.  The New Greatest QB Ever To Model A Jockstrap is getting sued for something having to do with trading cards.  Remember – it’s a mashup.  Anyone who uses this as a substitute for real news needs to start reading comic books with Jimbo.

-Teens in California are getting all crunk on Mad Cow Disease. While Mad Cow does affect the brain, this seems like a pretty risky way to get through book reports and standardized tests. It’ll be interesting to see what street slang America’s Future Leaders come up with.  Beefing up?  Mashed po-brainos?